Finding Common Ground

My brother at 16.

My brother Scott and I did not get along well as kids. We butted heads often, especially when I was in high school, and he was in middle school. He is four years younger than I am, and when he was 14 or so, he was almost in a different universe than I was. I guess I was the intolerant older brother, and we just clashed. 

I was more interested in popular music, and I was getting into the singer/songwriter genre, where the songs had deeper meaning. Scott liked Black Sabbath, Mountain, and other heavier rock music. I guess I thought my music was better than his, and I probably told him so. 

It's no surprise that we would clash over such things, with me telling him that his music was inconsequential, and mine had ‘meaning.’ I look back on that and it makes me shudder. 

One of the songs that sticks out from that time and reminds me of our differences was Lee Michaels’ Do You Know What I Mean. It was on Top 40 radio, and I guess to Scott, it was drivel, and I guess that pissed me off, because I thought it was superior to what he liked.

I remember a conversation back then when we were probably arguing about song quality. I mentioned Michaels’ song as a good example of a song that was more rock than pop yet was played often on Top 40 radio. He scoffed, and said, “Who is Lee Michaels?”

 

A few weeks later, I was asked to pick him and a friend up and bring them home. As it happened, Do You Know What I Mean came on the car radio, and I said to Scott, “That’s Lee Michaels.”

He looked at his friend with a smirk, and said sarcastically, “Oookaay.”

He didn’t remember the earlier conversation, and I took that as a slam at me and my personal taste for music.

 

He has lived in Rhode Island for decades, and I’ve spent the past nearly thirty years in Texas, so we’ve only seen each other maybe once in that time. We rarely talked, and only occasionally communicated by email or text in all those years.

Then, one day a few months ago, he emailed me, asking for advice on guitar playing. I’ve played guitar for 40+ years, and he only started a few years ago, and he decided it was time to ask older brother for help. 

I answered his questions, and I recorded a short instructional video that I posted on my YouTube channel, specifically to show him how to play Take It Easy, per his request. So here we were, now in our 60s, finally finding some common ground to communicate – over a song we both liked. Imagine that. It could have happened all those years ago, but hard-headed people (mostly me, but probably him too) often don’t see these things when they’re in the middle of it.

It is nice to know that although back in our teenage years, he probably saw me as an ass, he now apparently feels that I might be able to help him with something.

When I was looking for songs to add to my Spotify playlist, I came across Lee Michaels and Do You Know What I Mean. It made me think of those long-ago days when Scott and I couldn’t stand each other. At least now, I did my best to answer his questions and help him out – not trying to be superior, just helpful.

Sometimes, you do learn over time. I’m glad we finally found common ground about something, and a way to express respect for each other. It’s a shame that it took so many years, but it’s good that we got there.

Scott died on February 5, 2024, aged 65.